For anyone interested, we’re not dead.
One day I am going to walk out the door and just go. Go wherever my feet take me, on and on until I die so I can see the world in its glory and agony. But this is something that I don’t know whether I hope or fear comes to pass.
Lately all my anxieties about the future have been crawling back up. Bad dreams don’t help either. I never feel like I have enough time to do everything a human is supposed to before they pass on. Throw that on top of the occasional family-related guilt trip and you see me crushed under all the weight. In public sometimes I have to plaster on a fake smile as if it was a bad sticker. With my friends I don’t have to since they understand what I’m going through. I end up taking advantage of their kindness too, reminding me of what a bad person I am since I don’t do them favors in return. I don’t work hard enough to repay everyone for what they do for me. I am becoming more and more pessimistic and I don’t know what I can do to change that. I am a sad little person.
I am Atlas and even though I carry the world on my shoulders, it is too good to me.
I need to sleep this off. Insanity does not do well in office settings.
— Lady Deathstrike
I have some really weird dreams sometimes.
I was sitting on the porch of the house watching the intersection of the street. Cars were passing by normally, then one woman in a minivan attempts a u-turn.
When she is done turning around she hits one car, then as she’s driving away she suddenly hits another car head on. It was a man and his family in an SUV.
But the SUV somehow gets hit so hard, that the engine is shoved from the front of the car straight into the man.
He is forced out of the car through the back window.
The engine has already destroyed his face. When he lands he is reduced to nothing but a pool of blood smeared against the pavement.
Everything was in slow motion.
Then his wife was screaming. The woman that hit him was screaming. I was screaming as I fumbled with my cellphone and called 911 with everyone watching me scream and talk.
Suddenly I flash forward and then I’m at a corner store, getting cookies with my friend. At this point things are normal and there is nothing terrifying anywhere.
I don’t know what it is that makes people have incredibly odd dreams. Sometimes I think its food but I hadn’t eaten anything right before bed. Nor was I watching a scary movie (I was playing Tekken 6 with Gambit and his friend online). I have been reading a book about how fear works in the brain and how it affects us, but I’m not so absorbed into it that I always think of what I have learned.
They say when you see someone you know in your dreams, it’s because they want to see you. They say dreams contain suppressed desires. They say dreams contain premonitions of events yet to pass. They say dreams always contain meanings. They say a lot of things about dreams. But dreams are just a big a phenomenon. Something that might not mean anything yet we value them greatly. Something that might mean a lot but we don’ understand yet. Dreams are a strange fascination for people of any age. There is no one direction for understanding them. Maybe one day we will get to that point though.
And maybe I shouldn’t have candy before bed. I just remembered that I did eat some. Fie on my bad habits.
— Lady Deathstrike
Memorial Day. The unofficial start of summer.
Summers here in Gotham aren’t as bad as some other places, but it can still get pretty uncomfortable. Hot, harsh sunshine and then horrible humidity. The weather seemed to be a month behind also, seeing as how it rained almost everyday in the last three weeks. Rain is good but too much rain is somewhat of a bummer. At least it made the air comfortable to walk around in.